Brewer's Droop #260
I realise now that, as I get older I’m becoming less tolerant. I thought this was a bad thing until I realised, with delight, that I’m far from being on my own in this and am encouraged by a number of friends who are insufferable, impatient and quite often rude pains in the neck. Love them all.
So I thought I’d make a list of the top 15 things that truly piss me off. I’ve been listing these for a while and had to draw a line somewhere, this is the result.
Please do comment if you’d like to add more – or if you disagree with me (I couldn’t give a Tinker’s Cuss by the way). They’re not in any specific order, although the last one is probably my worst.
1.Things that break.
All the things in this category which I own are, in my opinion, still new. My toaster for example – why does it suddenly decide one morning, for no obvious reason, to burn my crumpet to a crisp? Why does my kettle, out of the blue, refuse to boil? And why do I have to buy a new iron every year?
Very few seem to use the term “planned obsolescence” which, as Wikipedia reminds us; “is a policy of planning or designing a product with an artificially limited useful life, so it will become obsolete [that is, unfashionable or no longer functional] after a certain period of time.” How on earth did we come to believing this trickery as “normal”?
2.Things that simply wear-out.
Like my car’s wiper blades. The bloke in the shop says they must be replaced every 2 years. Why? In my earlier motoring days I don’t think I ever replaced a wiper blade.
My TV set’s the same. I can’t seem to get more than a few years out of mine. Now I’m told I have to buy a “Smart TV”. Bugger off.
These drive me crazy. Absolutely crazy! At least once a week Yahoo and Google (they take it in turns by the way) post a sickeningly friendly message saying they need to confirm who I am so can I please enter my password. I never change my password, but they don’t like that. As a consequence, Yahoo gently tells me that my password is incorrect. So I say I’ve forgotten it and they send me a new one. Two week’s later it will be wrong again and I’ll get another one and repeat the entire process. It’s so tiring.
Why is it so difficult for drivers to understand the concept of a “safe following distance”? What it leads to is other ignoramuses squeezing into my lane so I have to slow down and look at the threatening hand gestures of the guy behind me (who’s angry because I “let them in”).
And no lights in the rain?
Why do people refuse to put on their headlights when it’s a dismal, rainy day? And it’s always the dark coloured cars that drive through the mist like “stealth tanks”.
And, certainly in Cape Town, everyone seems to drive faster the moment it starts raining. Why?
5.“Ag shame” photographs on Facebook.
Why do people insist on sharing endless pictures of animals in distress (or dead)? I don’t want to be miserable like the sad bastards that post them. I’m quite happy in my own dopamine-induced state thanks very much.
People who tell me, via the internet, that they’ll “pray for me.” Well, that’s fine if you want to do it but, sadly, I’m beyond redemption and I don’t like you any better for doing it. Rather buy me a drink when I next see you. Much better idea. You can carry on with our preachings but please excuse me when I don’t take any notice.
7.Changing messaging platforms.
This is surely madness. I’m regularly sent messages on Face Book Messenger, What’s Bloody Up, Face Time (which I never open), and all the others.
What’s wrong with a simple SMS text? Better still, if it’s important, call me!
I actually quite like Face Book but, oh dear, the amount of soppiness is staggering. I never even pause to read them. I’m sorry your Granny just died but I’m not about to tell you that my heart’s broken. I’m sorry she died but that’s it.
And no, I don’t care that you’re going to climb Everest to support saving the Pandas – neither am I going to sponsor you.
Y do peeps insist on using shortened words or acronyms? Words like “rgrds” get me frothing at the mouth. It takes longer to leave out the e and the a than it does to write properly. “LOL” is probably a real word in the Oxford English Dictionary now. ROFLMAO* had me stumped when I first saw it being used.
The other thing that gets me is where people sign-off their messages with the first letter of their name. If your name is, say, Norman, and you sign off with “N” does that mean I have to call you “en” from now on?
10.Even worse grammar!
Then people tell me “your wrong”. Well, you idiot, if you can’t grasp the use of an apostrophe then I will never take you seriously so don’t hold your breath waiting for a reply.
Somebody posted a comment to me recently saying they were going to “lurn” something. I just give up sometimes.
12.TV sound levels.
Why are ads so much louder than the programmes? If that’s the best we can do with technology then I’m going back to the wireless.
13.My phone’s not working.
People sometimes phone my landline from their cell phone – then have the audacity to tell me that “you’re breaking up!” It’s not me you pillock – I’m standing in one place and you’re calling ME. It’s you “who’s breaking up” not me!
14.Having two conversations.
Then there are those people who, when you’re talking to them, their eyes keep darting down to look at their phone. I get the impression that they’re hoping someone more interesting than me is going to contact them. And when their phone rings there’s no attempt at an apology – not a word – they simply abandon our conversation.
I have a personal rule. Whenever I see that oaf’s face on TV I immediately change channels or leave the room to go for a walk. I was a huge fan of his writing skills but now, sadly, he makes my skin crawl.
Please add to this list – maybe we can make it the “Top 100” or even more?
*It means “Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off”