Brewer's Droop #245

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Well, I’m confused. It’s like a child in a sweet shop. I don’t know where to even begin – there’s so much material to rant about.

So I’ve decided not to say anything about anything – except to add that it’s almost two years ago when I said SAA would have to be sold.

Could be right on the money!

TIS THE SEASON

Instead, as my last blog of the year I’m going to concentrate on other things – Accolades and Harmony.

As there are SO many awards going around at the moment (in fact the whole industry’s awash with them) I thought that I’d create my own as 2015 draws to a close.

First up is “PR Man Of The Year” – and that goes to Prof. Tim Noakes. The amount of free publicity he’s achieved for himself, his work and his books is unprecedented – all thanks to a jealous bunch of back-stabbing “scientists” who, frankly, bring the entire academia down to its knees. He’s a nice man too.

Second is Trevor Noah as “Ambassador of the Year”. He’s done more good work for South Africa than any government department could have even dreamed of. And all with a smile. It’s just a pity that we haven’t seen the full results of his positive affect on tourism yet.

Next is “Magician of the Year” and that goes to Malusi Gigaba (Home Affairs Minister) for his amazing trick of making thousands of tourists simply disappear. Even David Copperfield would have been impressed. (Note: he was also in the running for the “man squeezing into a suit two sizes too small” but I think this one is more deserved).

Then there’s “Comedian of the Year” – well that, obviously has to go to our President, Jacob Zuma. Who will ever forget his side-splitting laughter in Parliament (even if the joke was lost on most of the audience). And don’t even mention his inability to read out numbers with more than four digits.

Closely followed by “Clown of the Year”. Nobody came close to taking this award away from Julius Malema. His recent performances in the UK highlighted his brilliance at juggling presidents. First he did a great act with Zuma but that soon collapsed just like a clown car. Then, turning his back on Zuma he jumped onto Uncle Bob Mugabe’s knee and praised him as a wonderful example of leadership. But when Bob didn’t want to play, Julius became really antsy and went to court the British (you know, the original colonialists). So he gets to wear the big red nose again.

Employee of the Year” must go to Hlaudi Motsoneng for his amazing endurance in holding onto his job at the SABC – despite being ordered to leave many times. He’s still there. Probably giving himself another pay rise too.

The “Soap Opera Queen” award is well-deserved by Communications Minister Faith Muthambi for her outstanding work in running the SABC all on her own. Nobody else gives her credit so I’m pleased for her.

And then there’s my personal favourite, “Dubious Chairperson of the Year” of which SAA’s Dudu Myeni, wins hands down. How she’s managed to defy everyone and opt for a seemingly ridiculous aircraft lease deal (which may very well plunge SAA into real bankruptcy) astonishes even her friends in Government. Nobody could have lost more cash so quickly. And her speed in kicking out anyone who even looks at her askance truly makes your eyes water.

And, by the way, even Wikipedia is having a hard time trying to keep up with who the current CEO of SAA is. It changed even as I was writing this.

Her latest triumph was to tell all the SAA pilots (who voted no confidence in her and her board) to bog off – while her lesser intelligent sycophants managed to get “racist” into the debate and suggested they leave and work elsewhere. Now that would have been a first – an airline without pilots.

Runner up in the “Litigant of the year award” goes to Steve Hofmeyer for failing to beat the puppet Chester Missing (who is, let’s face it, a lot smarter). There is no outright winner in this category because the case(s) are sub judice.

AND NOW FOR PEACE & HARMONY

I won’t be blogging again before Christmas (I can’t be bothered to be PC so if you don’t celebrate it then just have a nice rest okay?)

Be safe over the holidays and, it seems to me, that this may be a good time of year to do a little inner reflection and stop concentrating on hate and, instead, be thankful for all the wonderful things we have – like single malt whisky for example.

(And pork pies).

If you’re driving then allow a lot more time for your journey and slow down a bit. You may not kill yourself then (but, more importantly, you won’t take me with you.)

Love to all and chat next year.

Happy Christmas!

Chris

(I forgot to mention Thai Crispy Duck – be grateful for that too).

Oh yes, and bacon sandwiches. With pickle obviously.

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Comments

  1. Brilliant again Chris! Great way to end the year.

    Suggest you steer clear of the SAA and SABC offices though – just to be on the safe side.

    Happy Christmas to you too!

    Reply
    • Yes, happily I think BA still like me – and Turkish Airlines are better anyway. As for the SABC well, they’ve got bigger things to worry about.

      Reply
  2. And you MUST get the award for “most entertaining writer” Mr. Brewer! Still laughing – what a great start to the month.

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    • What’s this “Mr. Brewer” stuff? I’d be quite happy with “Gorgeous”.

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      • Ha Ha! Okay MR Gorgeous!

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  3. Put a much needed smile on my face!

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    • That’s really good to hear!

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  4. Thanks for this! Have a great holiday and don’t drive (I don’t think they are listening to this part in your rant)

    Reply
    • Thanks Erik – we should collaborate on some stuff next year (well, it’s an excuse for a beer anyway).

      Reply
  5. Okay – Gorgeous! Thanks for laughs throughout the year and have Happy PC Holidays!

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    • And you too beautiful!

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  6. You never fail to please, Chris! Happy Christmas! Looking forward to January’s rant…

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    • Thanks Rebecca – I’m looking forward to it too, enough of all this niceness! Bah Humbug! xxx

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  7. nice one old mate

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    • Thanks Colin – keep sending me those disgusting emails:-)

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  8. Darling, have you thought about running for President? I’d vote for you. Merry, merry and all that. love M

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    • That’s really very kind, but would I have to have so many wives? xxx

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  9. Too true, yet you forgot the brainless
    ANC brains trust that insisted that airline pilots are not all that essential, as after all is said and done- they are only drivers.

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  10. Hello Gorgeous! Thank you for the satire and the laughs. Every blog makes my day and month!
    I am sure the SAA pilots are shivering in their boots at the proscpect of having to find new flying gigs….
    Have a wonderful rest, ah hell, Merry Christmas to you and yours!
    Looks forward to the next rank. Hugs. Lynn

    Reply
  11. Damn… now all I’m thinking about is that pork pie. I’m going to have to go back and re-read the first bit.

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  12. Thanks for entertaining and keeping me informed this year Chris….next year, you go for the jugular and expose the rot so much so that they learn to hate themselves. Merry Xmas to you and your family.

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  13. That was HILARIOUS!! Thanks for that Chris. Will be sharing far and wide!

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  14. I shall think of you enjoying your single malt and a cigar on Christmas Day – hope it’s a happy one.

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    • It will be Ba, and I’ll certainly be raising a glass to you!

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  15. Cheers to single malt whiskey! Apart from getting a kick out of your copy, I can’t help but love a man who enjoys the finer stuff.

    Reply

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