Brewer's Droop #241

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The great thing about having a blog and not being owned by a political party (or advertisers) is that you get to write what you really feel.

And there are so many choices of subject at the moment – from dead children on Turkish beaches to Japanese creating devastation at the World Cup to the EFF bleating about Afrikaans (again).

THE LUVVIES

Humans are a strange bunch really when you think about it. There have been millions upon millions of people murdered, raped, tortured, mutilated, dispossessed, put into slavery throughout Africa and yet we obliviously trot off to watch our favourite sport or argue politics over a fillet steak somewhere. It’s not until our minds are alerted to the slaughter of an old lion by a demented dentist that we suddenly spring into action and post angry Facebook messages. Then we’re totally diverted when we see the picture of a little boy (note, not a starving little boy – which, perhaps, makes it even more sinister) washed up on a tourist coastline and “offer to help” (but do we really?). Then, within a couple of weeks, Bob Geldorf rounds up a few mates and they produce a hit record which probably doesn’t save a single life (not as a nett result anyway) but makes huge piles of cash for someone.

Until countries begin applying the “refugee status” as defined by the UN and closing their borders to migrants (who, after all, are just deserting their own countries and abandoning their fellow citizens for money) then the immigration/emigration problems will never be resolved. And all those bleeding hearts (like that silly wannabe leader of the Labour Party in the UK, Yvette Cooper, who beat all the others in using human tragedy to score some serious PR points) stop offering to “take in” and “look after” those sad faces we see on TV should just shut up and realise this isn’t a Christmas puppy you’re talking about. Wake up and be sensible.

Let’s assume that the few thousand good-hearted but misguided “luvvies” in Britain who have volunteered, can house 15,000 migrants. Okay, so that’s Monday morning sorted. Now what about Monday afternoon and the rest of the year with increasing thousands and, ultimately, millions, of people swarming into Britain?

Don’t look at sad pictures. Do the math.

THE LOONIES

As for the EFF (and their ilk) with their threats and racist manipulations, do you think they have a special department which comes up with ideas to deliberately cause mayhem? They don’t seem to be making many statements about what they would DO to improve the country but seem to spend a lot of time disrupting everyone else. That probably means they’ll get even more votes in the next general election – given our voters’ aptitude to pick the worst people possible. And here’s an idle thought, why don’t all those who actually pay taxes just refuse to keep paying? When the people withhold their money then all politicians are basically fucked. And that might be a good thing.

THE LEARNERS

And students who complain about languages? Do me a favour! You’re privileged to be at a university in the first place – study in the language they’ve been using since they were built. What will they do next – object to learning Latin because they currently need it to be lawyers? (That’s what ultimately defeated me by the way.)

THE LANGUAGE

And on the subject of language, I don’t want to talk about depressing things, I want to talk about the English language and the way the British speak.

I’m motivated by the Twitter site @soverybritish (where you can find books and very funny quips).

Meanings of “hmm”…

I doubt it.
Not sure.
I suppose.
Never thought of it like that.
Not listening.
Dubious.
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

The quality of things…

“Not bad” – Perfectly adequate.
“Not too bad” – Surprisingly good.
“Not too bad at all” – Best thing ever.

Time estimates…

“In a minute” – In an hour or two.
“In a bit” – Sometime this week.
“Leave it with me” – Never.

Ways to say “I won’t be coming”

“I might pop down”
“I’ll give you a text”
“Sounds interesting”
“I’ll see how I feel”
“I’ll do my very best to be there”

In the West Country where I was born and bred the word “Proper” was used prolifically. You could say, for example, “Oh, that bacon sandwich looks proper” (meaning very good of course). It could also be used to describe a young lady, where a man might say to his mate, “cor, she’s proper” and his friend might very well reply “oh yes, she’s proper proper”. I have no idea why that still makes me chuckle.

There are other things the English say which can be very confusing. For example;

When they mishear once: “Pardon?”
Mishear twice: “Sorry?”
Mishear again: “Haha, yes, exactly”

Or,

“Yeah, could do” – Translation: “That is a terrible plan, please remain quiet while I quickly think of an alternative.”

“I’m afraid it’s a bit on the well done side” – Translation: “I’ve burnt it to hell.”

“Don’t quote me on that” – Translation: “I’m making all this up.”

“Anyway, I won’t keep you…” – Translation: “Please go away and leave me alone.”

“I’ll have a think” – Translation: “I’ll ignore all the suggestions you just made.”
“You may have a point” – Translation: “You’re talking absolute crap.”

“Right, who’s going to the bar?” – Translation: “We all know who should go to the bar.”

“This doesn’t look right to me” – Translation: “We seem to be driving across a field.”

And lastly my favourite: “Only 100 days until Christmas? Better get the sprouts on…”

Any day now I’m going to discard my jeans and start living in shorts again. I just hope the neighbours aren’t as frightened as they were last year.

Anyway, I won’t keep you.

Chris

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Comments

  1. You’re very funny and I always look forward to your blogs, but I don’t think you could be so hard-hearted that you wouldn’t want to try and stop little children from drowning. I think you’re a softie at heart.

    Reply
    • Thanks Carol,

      Obviously I’m upset by children being hurt anywhere but sometimes you just have to be realistic.

      Reply
  2. It’s people like you who stop the charities doing their fine work. What are YOU doing?

    Reply
    • Well Baz, since you ask, so far this year I’ve donated thousands of Rands (after SARS take what they audaciously call “their share”) and given to organisations that save animals, children and the homeless – HERE. (Just so you understand, that means helping my fellow South Africans – not strangers 6,000 miles away). Got it?

      So now you tell me Baz, what have YOU done?

      Reply
  3. Absolutely agree Chris – not too bad at all!

    Reply
  4. Tax suggestion has merit. Best way is via property rates. Needs somebody influential with big ones to drive it, like that guy fighting the tolls. Big companies are too vulnerable with onus on paying employees tax. Smaller privately owned companies are already experts at implementing your idea.

    Reply
  5. Well said, Chris. I don’t know if you’ve seen the video of the Syrians throwing food and water on the railway lines because it comes from the Red Cross and has a cross on it. Europe is in for a wonderful time …. NOT!

    Reply
    • I agree, Europe is in for a torrid time – and so is the rest of the world. This is only the beginning. *whistling happy tune and pouring another drink*

      Reply
  6. Spot on again Chris like when you pointed out that just feeding starving Somalis only procreated more starving Somalis except those who become pirates. The bleeding hearts of Western World needs to understand more about the realities of life than just absolving consciences and being suckered in the process.

    Reply
    • Yes Chris, there are going to be a lot of tears and a lot of arguing. One thing is for sure (in my opinion) – the luvvies are NOT going to resolve the problem, in fact they will exacerbate it.

      Reply
  7. Thanks for allowing me to start my day with a big fat chuckle. I am so with you on this ‘refugee’ issue – the world has gone mad and has forgotten what a ‘refugee’ looks like. The ‘new generation’ of refugees have the latest iPhones, smart clothing – and the audacity to ‘protest’ and ‘riot’ when they don’t like what’s on offer in the country they happen to be overrunning at the time! In closing all I can say is ‘England is so screwed…’. Enjoy your shorts, forget about the neighbours! :-)
    PS We’ve even had the world’s first ‘climate change refugee’ case here this week!

    Reply
    • That’s all true – but it may be that the UK will hold out the longest in Europe before it’s beaten.

      Reply
  8. Great work !

    Reply
    • So is your art my dear friend!

      Reply
  9. Talking about the English language I notice that politicians and journos no longer have ‘problems’ but merely ‘challenges’ – lucky for the ANC. We no longer ‘concentrate but ‘focus’. And suddenly there is nothing left over but there are lots of ‘legacies’ – I can now leave my dog a legacy after lunch.

    Reply
    • A yes, the joys of the English language. Yet still our politicians still manage to contort their feet into their mouths. And whether they have “flatulence”, “gastric irritation” or simple farts, the smell is still the same.

      And a hungry, uneducated, sickly child really couldn’t care whether he’s a “problem” or a “challenge” – he just watches Zuma and his gang feasting at the table and hoping desperately that one of them will throw him a “legacy” (aka crust of bread).

      Reply

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