Brewer's Droop #218

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IT’S HARD TO BELIEVE I KNOW

But the committee on liquor control is still discussing changes (the last one was two weeks ago and then this one a few days ago).

Not even John Cleese could write a script which is this funny. Well, not really funny at all – just plain stupid and a bureaucratic bungle of the highest order.

For those of you who read my last Droop (thanks to both of you) you’ll remember that I summarised all the changes made to this ridiculous by-law. It’s been changed just about every week since it was first (incorrectly) gazetted in September 2010 so it missed its effective implementation date of January 2011. But remember, it was in the planning stage for probably two years before 2010. You do the math on how much time has been wasted.

Anyway, it’s changed again. Yes, since the last Droop of two week’s ago, they’ve changed their minds again!

It’s sheer insanity and it’s being pushed by DA Councillor Taki Amira.

Which leads me to my first point. Councillor Amira, I really would like to see the DA win every election in which it’s involved. But I, for one, would NOT vote for you. I’d rather vote for Julius Malema – at least he gets things done!

Honestly Taki, you’ve got to get your act together (excuse the pun). You’re letting the entire DA down and you’re failing the people of Cape Town – and all who visit here.

Just abandon this liquor licensing by-law. It’s plainly ridiculous and you’ve made it so ambiguous that there will be appeal after appeal after appeal (if an offender ever gets to court).

At first, Taki Amira, wanted to ban champagne breakfasts, until he realised that quite a lot of important people rather enjoy these. So he back-tracked and said “okay, champagne is excluded.”

Then someone pointed out that not all “Champagne Breakfasts” actually served real champagne so the words were changed to say “excluding champagne and sparkling wine”.

Then Councillor Daniel Mphila (ANC) said that was “discriminatory” (these days you can bet on when and by whom the race-card will be introduced) and “what about traditional drinks?”

So the text was changed and they settled on one word which was “liquor”. This now meant that it remained legal to serve brandy or vodka or whisky with breakfast.

Now Taki has changed the words back to only allow “sparkling wine” again. By doing this he has, of course, wasted yet another Council year. If it ever does come into effect on 01 February 2014 it will have taken somewhere between four and six years to get this pathetic legislation through.

In the meantime, of course, Taki Amira has done more to PROMOTE Champagne Breakfasts than any Councillor before him.

But there’s many a slip between cup and lip so what’s the betting that there will be more changes and more delays as the Councillors continue with their internecine discussions?

Taki, go and get a proper job, in fact here’s a message to all of you on the committee: stop wasting our money!

THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

Yes, it’s December again when we all start wondering if it’s PC to say the “C” word. (I mean “Christmas” obviously). I mean, suppose the person I say “Happy Christmas” to is Jewish, or Muslim or Buddhist or anything other than Christian? Will they be offended? Will they smite me?

I refuse, absolutely refuse, to Americanise the whole thing and say “Happy Holidays” (although that does make much more sense but I enjoy being obtuse).

Anyway, no matter what religion you follow (or not follow), the end of December has become synonymous with peace on earth, goodwill to all men and make-that-a-double please. And it culminates with a monster hangover (unless, like me, you avoid all parties and gently slide off your own couch at around 11pm without spilling a drop of Merlot).

So, to absolutely everyone I say, have a magnificent festive season. Please, please don’t drink and drive and please, please be careful on the roads – just add an extra 15 minutes on to your planned journey time so you can drive 10kms per hour slower. And if you’re late what’s the problem? Just get there alive and without killing anyone.

Love and Peace to everyone – even that frosty-faced bitch at the airport who insisted my briefcase was too big, and even Jacob Zuma.

May 2014 be the year when all good things happen for you and that the loving memory of Nelson Mandela lives on and keeps us all in harmony!

xxxxxx

Chris

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Comments

  1. Enjoy the Christmas boozy breakfasts while we still can then! Thanks for all the excellent Droops this year Chris, you have a safe and blessed Christmas too.

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  2. Have a great one Chris and yes, I do really enjoy your Droops!
    Keep it up, as they say.

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  3. It’s Christmas Chris. Every year 25 Dec. So tired of all the minority PC. Virtually every retailer, TV channel and media outlets celebrate Christmas. If people have a problem then they can visit the countries that practice their religion and persecute Christians. I do think it is ironic how leading retailers will make millions pushing Christmas, yet will not support any Christian media…

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    • How do you define “Christian Media” Richard?

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  4. And an wonderful Christmas to you to, Chris! Many thanks for your Droops which have sustained me through yet another year. And may you and yours be blessed with exceptional health and abandant bounty in the coming year. P.S. Please pass on my best to Lord Bullard.

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  5. To amplify and embelish your final well honed point, I think it imperative that every decent South African should make it clear (especially to their international network of friends and colleagues) that, yet again, the global communist gutter media (e.g. the Daily Telegraph and Wikipedia, to name but three), have completely misrepresented today’s very special event at the FNB Stadium.To clarify:
    * The crowds were NOT booing President Zuma when he entered, sat down, stood up, sat down again, turned around, and eventually rose to read his fairly damp script. They were showering him with “Zuma, Zuma, …” in heart-felt adulation.
    * Similarly, when President Obama arrived, sat down, and later spoke, the entire 95000 crowd (including George Bush and Hiliary Clinton) did NOT jump up and down screaming “Hooray”. They were shouting “Who’s he?”.

    It is unlike you, Chris, to miss such an important point – so I suspect that you had already gone to press.

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    • It would be interesting to examine what thing or event caused the final demise of many leaders over the last 100 years – Churchill, Clinton, Thatcher etc.

      I bet the end came quite unexpectedly.

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      • It would indeed be interesting, and possibly surprising. Particularly in the case of Clinton, who, based on his behaviour at the FNB Stadium yesterday has yet to hear of his own demise!

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        • You mean nobody’s told him yet? (Maybe nobody noticed).

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  6. Chris – I take it that you have sent this and the preceding column to Auntie Helen, pointing out that while the DA are not doing a bad job in the WC, Mr Taki is being a hopeless twat and she should suspend his PlayStation privileges until he behaves?

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    • I’m meeting Helen for a breakfast tomorrow and I’ll mention it while we’re sipping our screwdrivers.

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  7. Thanks very much for another great Blog Chris. I hope you have a great Christmas and a blessed 2014

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  8. Maybe next year’s first column should be renamed Brewer’s Drop. All this liquor law fatigue has been giving us too much of the droop!

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  9. …. or to keep it lekker local in Cape Flats colloquial terms just all it Brewer’s Dop.

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  10. May the Brewer taste the Best of Bacchus!

    All the best to you and your family, Chris

    Look forward to reading your blogs in 2014

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  11. Chris – all the best for 2014 and keep up the good work – and humour !

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  12. Hi Chris, it’s not obtuse to refuse to call Christmas by it’s name. It’s Christmas, dammit, and if other religions don’t want to celebrate it, they don’t have to. And I did see a Muslim woman in full black burka buying Christmas decorations last year and she didn’t seem to have a problem. (Mind you, I saw a Rolls Royce broken down on the side of the road the same day, so perhaps it was a day of aberrations,)

    If someone wishes me Happy Hanukkah, I’m happy to get their good wishes. And the same goes for Diwali or any other religious festival that makes people feel kindly towards me.

    “Happy Holidays” is just PC garbage.

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    • Quite so Anne, but what I meant was that, in trying to wish everyone a happy time over the next few weeks, it’s me who’s being obtuse by not taking the obvious route by saying “holidays”.

      Another curious thing is that I would never, ever, abbreviate Christmas to Xmas. No particular reason, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Peculiar.

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  13. Thank you, Chris for another delightful and humorous blog. I look forward to them and read them even if I don’t comment! And, have a ‘good one’….!

    Reply
    • As long as you enjoy them, there’s no need to comment. However, if you disagree or want to add something then comments are always welcome!

      Reply

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